


we don't notice any time pass (we don't notice anything)

by hallowgirl



Category: Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Life Partners, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Sort Of, and there is much criticism of Boris, from one of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-27 22:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16711063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hallowgirl/pseuds/hallowgirl
Summary: "But somehow, the way things are now feels even more precious, rarer. Jess wonders idly if there's some equivalent of having sex for people who are just your friends, some act that's the same physical sharing, the same way of letting them know how much they mean to you, of being inside each other, knowing you couldn't get closer. She's wondered it a couple of times with her oldest friends, the ones who've grown up with her, but lately she's thought it more and more often about Jacob too. He's so diametrically opposite her that it's as though she's been waiting for him to walk in and sit down next to her forever."Jacob and Jess hang out, make tea, watch Titanic, and fall asleep. And Jacob is Jacob. Takes place shortly after the Tory conference 2018.





	we don't notice any time pass (we don't notice anything)

**Author's Note:**

> Jacob and Jess's cross-party friendship is an absolute treasure, and their videos travelling around the country together should be a TV series. There was no way I could not write them some platonic fluff.  
> Obvious disclaimer: absolutely not intended to be a reflection of real events, real personalities, etc. Absolutely not real in any way.  
> You can see Jacob and Jess's videos together here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMQLSkM1_sU (Jacob and Jess travel to Somerset)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5l4yuf6SH8 (During the EU referendum)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ajkUQ29bFs (Doing Gogglebox-style TV on Trump's election)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjdlARsbdgs (Doing Gogglebox-style TV on the 2017 General Election)  
> The reference to Boris refers to a speech he made at Tory conference widely seen to be an attempt at upstaging May:  
> https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-45717823  
> The quote from Jess at the start is from here:  
> https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p05w6rkp  
> If you want to ask me anything about my fics or suggest a prompt, you can send me an ask on [Tumblr ](https://hallowgirl.tumblr.com/ask) ! Thanks to [Subito](https://archiveofourown.org/users/subito/pseuds/subito) for the gif mentioned! There are explanations for some references at the end-if you can't see any of the articles and want to read them, then send me an ask!:)  
> The title is from the song "I Think That We Are Gonna Be Friends" by The White Stripes.  
> Leave a comment if you like it! :)

_He would join the ranks of my platonic male friends, the ones with whom I could hypothetically share a small bed and do nothing but sleep. Many ex-crushes had been those. Max had been one. Myko had been one. We could be honest and intimate in a nonromantic way. Those friends were important to me, sometimes even closer to me than Sam had been.-"The Matilda-Whore Complex", Where Am I Now?, Mara Wilson_

 

_The truth of the matter is, on the Jacob thing....I once walked up to him on the day of the abortion-when he said the awful things about abortion and, er, rape victims still not being entitled to have an abortion-which obviously, I totally disagree with, and he was in every newspaper, and he was in the eye of the storm for the day. And I-I bumped into him in the lobby that night and I-I walked up to him and I said to him, you know...."Are you all right?"_

_Because it's not pleasant. And he was like "Oh, totally. I'm absolutely fine but thanks very much for asking." And then I said-"I just want you to know-that if you step even one step closer to the dispatch box of this building-into power-then obviously, Jacob, I'll burn the place down!".._

_Most people have never met a Jacob Rees-Mogg in their lives-I certainly hadn't. He's actually got a weird kind of pen-friend relationship with my dad as well, now!-Jess Phillips, talking about her friendship with Jacob Rees-Mogg in an interview._

* * *

 

"It was-it was _outrageous-"_ Jess whirls round to stare at Jacob, already half-laughing at the sheer politeness of his expression, the black winter coat which looks like it's just rolled out of Dickens that he's slowly unbuttoning, not even dropping one of his manners to look away from the point that she's making, even though she can almost predict what he's going to say. "He rocks up, the day before the woman he _stabbed in the back_ is giving a speech-one of the speeches of her bloody _premiership_ , for God's sake, and he just waddles onto the stage and spreads out his bloody _legs_ and basically fills the space with his _cock."_

There's a long silence as the last word hovers in the air between them. Then,

"I don't suppose that Boris exactly waddles" says Jacob, as if _that's_ the important thing to focus on here, rather than the man he might back as the next _Prime Minister_ , God help them, as he hangs up his own coat and then turns to take her own. "It's not a description I recognize, per se-"

"This is _my flat; I'm_ meant to be taking _your-"_ Jess flaps her hand at the garment Jacob has turned up in. " _Apparel."_

"I was bowing to your infinitely superior feminist ideals" Jacob says, with barely a hint of a smile and Jess nearly collapses against him, resisting the urge to hug him (Jacob is far too polite to push her, or indeed, anyone, away, but Jess has noticed the way he sometimes tenses when someone hugs him without warning, so she rations herself these days.)

"What, so I-I'm excused from offering you-offering you any of my hospitality-"

"Not at all, I'm a great supporter of hospitality-"

Jess can't help but break her rule then, and gently poke Jacob in the cheek. He blinks rapidly, as he often does at any sign of affection, except from Helena, and that's just downright _adorable_ -back at King Edward's in Yardley, Jess would have never thought she'd be sharing a cup of tea with a woman who lives in a pile in Somerset with a bloody _nanny_ , but then she'd never thought people like Jacob existed back then. God knows what she'd have done if she'd met him then. Killed him, probably.

"Well, it's a good chance for you, isn't it?" she says breezily, letting Jacob hang up the coat. "Learning to put things away, we'll have you making your own _tea_ by the end of the year."

Jacob frowns at her, adjusting his suit as he steps aside to allow her to walk into her living room first-the first time Tom had seen him do that, he'd frowned and pulled Jess aside later to ask if she was totally sure Jacob wasn't just waiting for the right moment to get her into bed and he'd had to wait ten minutes for her to answer and stop gagging with laughter, because even the _thought_ of Jacob thinking about sex is hilariously implausible, in the nicest possible way. (For her and him, anyway. She's pretty sure six kids with Helena says otherwise.)

(Though she did once get sent a gif of Jacob, sprawled out in his usual position along the green bench, his fingers splayed over the wood, his thumb stroking back and forth slowly, savouringly, and though she knows perfectly well that Jacob was probably just searching the masses of the ancient, parchment encyclopaedia pages of his brain for the perfect Chaucer quote for his next intervention, the cheeky exclamation-marked suggestion of her friend: _This why you like Rees-Mogg so much?!_ had made her consider for a moment that if Jacob did happen to turn that particular type of attention on his wife with that slow stare over his glasses, the slow circular movements becoming a caress, well, no wonder they've got six children.)

(She'd debated sending the gif to Jacob with a smiley face- _Mind on the Chamber, Rees-Mogg?_ -but Jacob would probably respond with exactly what had, indeed, been on his mind in that moment, verbatim, and while, if the depths of her own mind were anything to go by, that could be an incredibly interesting email-albeit one of the sort Jacob would never send in a million years-it would, more likely, just be an extensive explanation of the significance of the exact Chaucer quote he was considering, the sort that had a lot of brackets and footnotes (even if Jacob informed her verbally. _Especially_ if Jacob informed her verbally) and Jess would have to tell him that she might fall asleep if he sends her an essay length description of the common Chaucer interpretations.)

"I already make tea" Jacob assures her, adjusting his tie slightly as he follows Jess over to the kitchen island-God, she misses her kitchen in Birmingham. There, it's all white wood and colourful floor tiles and Harry and Danny's voices bouncing off the walls. Here, once Jacob or the others have gone, it's her on her own, in a flat which seems way too big. With three brothers, she can't even remember having her own bedroom until she was thirteen.

"You have _staff_ , that's not _you_ making the tea-"

"I've made you tea."

Jess stares at him. "What?" She flicks the kettle on, already readying the mugs-if it was her, it'd be _straight_ onto the teabag, but she's sure Jacob would regard it as some kind of British sacrilege, and the last thing she needs is him quoting something about Boudicea again (who, OK, Jess is pretty sure would be a legend to know, but the key word would be _know_ , not know _about_ , which Jacob does in abundance.)

"I've made you tea-in my office, when we've been in North East Somerset-" The rest of the world would just say _Somerset._

Jess stares at him for a moment, before she twigs and then she nearly collapses over the kitchen island, laughing. "When you say _tea_ -you don't mean _food_ , do you? You're thinking like-teapot, teacups-you don't actually mean-"

Jacob's expression leaves her having to prop herself up on the counter until the kettle boils.

 

* * *

 

Ten minutes, and a quick explanation of Northern expressions later, Jess closes the laptop before Jacob becomes completely absorbed in the list of Northern slang he's just found, because she doesn't think all the pelvic exercises in the world will save her from absolute humiliation if she hears Jacob try to pronounce some of them in his cut-glass voice.

"So have you ever made dinner?" she asks him, kicking her shoes off and lying back on the couch, cradling her mug in her hands. "For Helena and the kids-you know, on her birthday, out with the rose petals, the candlelight-"

Jacob does the high-pitched laugh-Jess has learnt that laugh, the one that's jolted out of him when he's particularly surprised or when he blushes or sometimes, when he's standing in front of a protester, and Jess likes to think her warnings are echoing in his head that he needs to stop being so _nice_ to everyone, if he doesn't want one of them to turn up and chuck a box of condoms over his head, which they've come close to once or twice.

"No" he clarifies a few moments later. "Is that what your husband does for you?"

Jess snorts. "You are joking. He used to get me a card with David Cameron on the front. That was my birthday. You can laugh-" as Jacob laughs. "You can laugh. But they used to be-they used to be very popular. So think on."

"What, is that-are you suggesting that that's what you shall be-issuing me with for my next birthday?"

"What, a David Cameron card?" Jess arches an eyebrow, taking another sip of her tea. It's taken a few minutes but Jacob has slowly manoeuvered himself around so that he's half-facing her on the couch, their feet almost touching. The first few times he'd come here, he'd arranged himself carefully in whichever chair she showed him to, folding his arms and legs precisely, as though trying to fit the furniture. The fact she's managed to persuade Jacob Rees-Mogg to put his feet on the couch is a feat in itself, despite the fact she's seen him fold himself onto his back on the green benches in the Commons too many times to count. "I think-I think that would be too-too cheap for you, wouldn't it-didn't he say once that he wanted to get you off his candidates list?"

"Yes-"

"Because you were too posh? Should be a meme, shouldn't it-when you're too posh for David Cameron-"

 _"Mea maxima culpa_ , I think is how he would have preferred me to put it."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure that's how he'd have put it." Jess takes a sip of tea. "He of the "Too many tweets might make a twat-""

Jacob looks away, chuckles slightly. Jess used to feel bad whenever she swore in front of him-he's far too polite to ever _say_ anything, of course, but he used to tense his fingers on the steering wheel or blush-very poshly, he'd blush, but he'd blush-and she'd immediately feel as though she'd somehow defiled him. If she'd met him when she was a teenager, she'd probably have been one of the kids bribing him to swear.

"Didn't he try to get you off the candidates' list?"

"Yes, he did, actually."

"Yeah, he thought you were too posh-didn't that piss you off?"

"Ah-" Jacob looks away again, steeples his fingers. "Not particularly-I suppose I just didn't fit in with the image of the party he wanted at that stage."

Jess shakes her head incredulously. "You're far too nice to people."

"Well, no, it's just-that was his vision of the party-and it had to be _respected-"_

Jess shakes her head. "It's unreal. You're like some sort of-you're like-that character post-moral-makeover in a book, where all the-moral-whatever, _deviance_ has been drained out of you."

"I'd hope so." Jacob chuckles. "I don't think-I don't think all the deviance is quite gone, but-"

"Oh, aye?" Jess arches an eyebrow. "There's a rebel inside you. We'll get you into a pair of jeans before long, you can rock up at the Commons in a leather jacket-"

"The mind boggles" says Jacob, straight-faced, and Jess bursts out laughing.

"Would you really never consider it?" She wriggles round so that she can lean against Jacob, who obligingly moves his arm so that she can be supported against him. "I mean-even as a kid, did you not have-you know-jeans, shorts, T-shirts, that kind of stuff?"

"Possibly." Jacob's forehead creases as he takes a careful sip of his tea. "But I think I have a memory from around the age of eight or so, of simply-choosing to wear these-" He gestures to his own suit. "It saves a lot of time in the morning."

Jess shakes her head. "I genuinely can't believe that an eight-year-old-well, _you_ as an eight-year-old-was wearing _suits._ I mean, did your-your brother and sisters do the same thing, were they all-was it like _bankers_ around a table at dinner or-"

"No, actually, they didn't, they wore-you know-shorts and shirts and those sort of- _articles."_ Jacob folds his hands in his lap, pushes his glasses further back up his nose as Jess reaches for the remote control, settling back against him.

"Didn't they ever take the mickey out of you?" she asks, the thought suddenly occurring as she tilts her head to stare up at him. "You know, other kids? I mean, if you'd gone to _my_ school, you know-" She can't even bear to look at the thought. "You wouldn't have got out _alive."_

"Mmm-" Jacob peers at the screen as Jess flicks through the channels. "A little bit, but it was mainly vairy-" Jess will never get over how Jacob pronounces _very-"-_ gentle. Friendly."

 _"Mainly?"_ Jess stares at him. "Did anyone else at Eton-like-dress like you? You know, with mortarboards and the shares and all that-was there anyone else _like_ you?"

"I wasn't particularly aware." Jacob tilts his head back a little and Jess's head slips down so that she's half-lying on his chest. "You see, when you first start at Eton, you go into something called F Block and there's a small group of you in each house, so you only really focus on the boys around you at first. They put you in the same tutorial groups and that sort of thing and you're all in the same uniform-"

"Dressed like you're out of the seventeenth cent-did you feel at home?" Jess asks suddenly, brightly.

"Yes, it felt _exactly_ like going home-walking back through the doors of a manor house, lost in time, simply _surrounded_ by _gadzookery-"_

"I just had this image of you on a horse. Like, as one of these old-time landowners, galloping about the countryside- _gadzookery-"_

Jacob is smirking slightly, despite all his attempts to maintain a straight face. It makes Jess love him even more. "It means over-use of archaic language."

Jess does burst out laughing at that.

"I don't claim to be a great critic of the term, but-"

Jess just buries her face in his shoulder, because the term is wonderfully Jacob, as is the slight awkwardness with which he pats her shoulder, as though waiting for her to rear back. When she manages to straighten up, she notices that she's managed to flip to the next channel and there's a ship jutting out of the ocean.

"Aw, Leonardo."

"Da Vinci?"

Jess snorts. "DiCaprio. Didn't you ever see _Titanic?"_

"Oh, is that this chap?"

"Yeah, the one dangling in the sea. Didn't you ever watch _Titanic?"_

"Once, I watched it once." Jacob steeples his fingers under his chin. "I have to confess, it was the most boring film I've ever watched."

 _"Sacrilege."_ Jess smacks his arm. "I remember when this came out, actually-literally everyone in my school practically broke down the gates at the end of the day, to get down to the Odeon to see this. I think I had about 3 Leonardo posters in my locker."

"Some people have too much time on their hands."

Jess swats him again. "So what were _you_ doing at 15? Were you-I don't know-investing your stocks or-"

"Well, you don't necessarily invest stocks, but abandoning that point of order-" Jacob shifts a little closer to her, as Jess's head falls against his shoulder. "No, I was mainly-I was quite focused on the Stockton Society."

"Oh _God."_ Jess closes her eyes. "Did you have a girlfriend?"

"No, of _course_ I didn't have a _girlfriend-_ what a _shocking_ question-"

"I had boyfriends at that age!" Jess sits up a little, takes another sip of her tea. "I had boyfriends at that age-actually, I'd met Tom by then-he wasn't my boyfriend" she says, off Jacob's expression. "He was one of my mates, then, we all went round in a little gang. Like you guys, but with less Latin and monocles" she adds with a grin.

"I think-I _believe_ I knew Helena then" Jacob says slowly, with a frown and a slight adjustment of the glasses. "But I believe she'd only just got past the toddling stage."

Jess gasps. "You cradle-snatcher."

"Oh, I wasn't planning to court her" Jacob assures her worriedly, until he sees Jess's expression as she smacks his arm.

_"Court her-"_

"What did you call it?"

Jess shrugs through laughter. _"Dating!_ If we called it anything. Back then, it was mainly kids snogging each other round the back of under-18s discos and not looking at each other the next day. When I say _boyfriends-"_

"Yes, well" Jacob interrupts, his cheeks pinkening very slightly. "Perhaps you had a more-innerving educational experience than I-"

"Says you, who was walking round in a top hat!" Jess snorts, reaching forward and yanking open a drawer. "No wonder your-girlfriends were in short supply, you were at flipping-"

She pulls out a box of Creme Eggs, solely for the pleasure of seeing Jacob's eyes light up as he catches them. (Jess reflects, with a touch of pride, that the first time she and Jacob had met she'd tossed him a shortbread biscuit as he was driving only for him to half-fumble it out the air and then drop it out the window. She's taught him well.)

"We didn't actually wear top hats at Eton" Jacob informs her gently, as usual waiting for her to take a Creme Egg before he does-Jess has learnt not to just leave the box for Jacob to help himself. The first time she did that, after Jacob had proclaimed himself in need of nourishment, he'd sat with the box of Fox's biscuits between them for fifteen minutes, until Jess had reminded him he was hungry and he'd given her a questioning look as he'd proffered her the box, until she'd realised that manners prevented him from demolishing half the box as she would have done. (On that occasion, Jacob did dive in with gusto once Jess assured him he could do so, and must have been near to fainting with hunger, given he did the nearest thing to talking with his mouth full as Jess has ever seen Jacob do.)

"I'm not that up on the uniform, so-"

"We wore tailcoats, but not top hats-"

 _"Tailcoats-"_ Jess dissolves into another fit of giggles. "Oh God, you must all have looked-did any of you have any girlfriends?" she asks suddenly, the thought occurring to her. "I mean, any of the lads in your year? Or was it an-just a boarding-school thing, that you don't-"

"No, I believe several of the other boys had some-ah-companions-"

_"Companions-"_

"Well, I was being delicate."

Jess shakes her head. "You lads would have been eaten alive in our city."

"Perhaps-"

 _"Eaten alive."_ Jess bites into a creme egg-she's never quite taken to them the way Jacob seems to have done, with something close to rhapsodizing each time he receives one, but the way Jess sees it; it's chocolate; it's fondant; what's not to like? "Anyway, when did you watch _Titanic_ , who with?"

"It was Helena, actually." Jacob bites into his creme egg carefully, tongue coming out to catch any stray drips of fondant. "Before we were married. I think she was slightly-far from gruntled, to use a P G Wodehouse turn of phrase, that I didn't stay awake throughout the entire plot-"

"You _fell asleep?"_

"I'm afraid so, yes, but then-" Jacob has to pause as Jess bursts out laughing again, this time with half a creme egg in her mouth. "But then, you see, she thought it rather worked out for the best in the end, because she was beginning to find the historical inaccuracies being pointed out a little bothersome, which-"

Jess nearly chokes on the creme egg. "Oh my God, Jacob."

"Yes, well-"

"How did she-how are you still _here?"_ Jess gestures at Jacob, as though the mere fact of his continued existence is the proof of God Himself, which she sometimes thinks it might well be. "I mean, how does a woman get past- _that_ -in a-"

"I think with the many other obstacles Helena chose to navigate with me, she found that one a tad trifling."

"Aww." Jess puts her hand over her chest. "I can't believe she's younger than you, you know."

"I don't think it would be plausible for one to appear much older."

"No, but-" Jess has to dissolve into laughter again as the words sink in. "I mean, I can buy that you grew up together as kids, definitely, because you seem to just-know each other that well, I mean, it's just, I wouldn't have thought the age gap was so-"

"Maybe you shouldn't tell Helena that, I can't imagine it would seem too-too complimentary to her ears."

Jess snorts again. "But yeah, it's just-I mean, didn't you say she was best friends with your sister?" she asks slowly, a previous conversation swimming to mind. "At school, or something?"

"Our parents were friends" Jacob clarifies, settling back against the cushions, absent-mindedly patting Jess's head as he does so. "The first time I apparently met Helena was when she was an infant, but I don't recall."

"An _infant._ You mean, when she was born?"

"Yes. Well, or shortly thereafter. Annunziata hadn't been born yet."

"There's no-one in between you and Annunziata, is there? Your sister-"

"No. Annunziata was a-" Jacob pauses delicately. "An unexpected arrival."

Jess grimaces. "Ohhh, I always _hate_ that phrase. Because you always picture your parents _right_ in the middle of it."

There's a short silence, before Jacob says, cheeks pinkening, "As usual, you manage to get directly to the heart of the matter."

Jess bursts out laughing. "Only because-" she explains, tapping Jacob's arm as he leans back, with her half-wedging herself under his arm. "Only because I was number four, remember-and there was a gap between me and my brothers-Mum thought that was it, three boys, and then-bang-and that is _literally_ what they used to tell me, growing up."

"Your parents?"

"No. My brothers."

"Well, my father was a Catholic. Though I don't know if that-affected his views on overpopulation but-"

"Well, it certainly didn't affect yours'" Jess tells him bluntly. "Didn't you say Sixtus was a bit--you know-of a surprise?"

Jacob winces slightly, blushing deeper, and Jess wonders if she's put her foot in her mouth. There's nothing much she can't say to Jacob-partly because he's too polite to stop her-but he's still slightly touchy about certain things. (A great deal less than he used to be, admittedly, which Jess likes to put down to her own influence, but in all honesty, is probably more to do with Helena than anyone else, and for that, Jess can only think that God must have granted Helena the patience of a saint, and hidden it behind more balls than Jess has seen in a soft play area.) Jess still remembers the way he'd blushed furiously after he'd first told her that Helena was pregnant again, with Alfred only seven months old, his eyes bright with delight as she'd gawped at him, and then the embarrassed, spluttering noise he'd made when she'd said "Bloody hell, _you've_ got some lead in your pencil, haven't you?" as she threw her arms around him in a fierce hug, which was perhaps the closest she's ever seen Jacob Rees-Mogg to speechless.

"I thought we'd stop at five" he admits, after a moment, pushing his glasses further up his nose, cheeks still faintly pink.

"I thought you wanted twelve?" Jess raises an eyebrow. "And you'd better get praying on that one, Jacob, because let me tell you now-no woman is willingly going through labour twelve times."

"Maybe not twelve. I have tried to persuade Helena to see the many delights of eight."

 _"EIGHT?!"_ Jess almost chokes at the thought. "Bloody hell, _two-two_ is a handful! Let alone _six!_ Let alone _eight!"_

"I think that may be why Helena is rather reluctant" Jacob surmises, slightly understating the issue.

 _"Eight."_ Jess shakes her head wonderingly. "Bloody hell, Jacob."

"Well, I've always quite loved the thought of lots of children" he protests. "It's absolutely wonderful, having them all around at once."

"If you want eight, you are going to have to be more domesticated" Jess warns him frankly, leaning back against him. "You are going to have to be changing nappies."

Jacob gives an odd shudder. Jess closes her eyes, shaking her head. "I still can't believe that. I would divorce you" she tells him fondly, reaching up to ruffle his hair, which is how she knows she's had too much to drink. "I would."

"That would require us to be married, which, given you already have a simply splendid husband-"

"Bloody hell, Jacob, you can have him if you want him."

She can feel Jacob's laughter through his chest against her cheek, the warmth of his skin apparent even through his thin shirt. She idly muses that it's still bizarre to picture Jacob with his shirt off; God knows if anyone other than Helena has ever seen him without the thing, apart from maybe the kids, and even that one's doubtful.

"No" she says. "If we were married, you'd be changing nappies and doing the school run, Jacob. You'd be thoroughly modernised. Oh my God, I'd have you in jeans. And a leather jacket." She sits up and the world spins slightly. Jacob catches her, very gently, and slowly lowers her back down.

"I had too much to drink" she manages, letting her head lie on his chest again. Jacob carefully moves his tie out of the way, pets her head warily, the way one would a cat. Jess can't help but giggle, noticing dimly that Jacob's forgotten to tense the way he usually does at too much affection and she wonders if she's been too enthusiastic with serving him drinks this evening. (Trust Jacob to even manage to be incredibly _politely_ intoxicated.)

"Perhaps you should rest" Jacob says, a note of worry creeping into his voice as he tilts his head up to examine her face, brushing her hair back to do so. "I can leave if you like, if you should need-"

"No, don't go." Jess could bite her tongue off for how young the words are, but she doesn't want him to go yet. She can't be bothered walking to the bedroom anyway and she doesn't want to get up and the apartment's big and dark and very, very empty, and Jacob's warm and comfortable, and he's got an arm half-around her. She can feel his heart, beating sure and strong against her ear.

Jacob stills in surprise, and Jess could kick herself, because Jacob probably wants to get home, and she's _lying_ all over him for God's sake-

"Oh. All right." Jacob's hand circles her back warily, as if unsure if she'll bite, and Jess can't help but laugh a little, and lean further into him.

"I mean, you don't have to" she manages to say, recovering at least some of her senses, as she tries to wriggle upright and only succeeds in falling against his chest again. "I mean, I'm fine on my own."

"It's no trouble at all" Jacob assures her, which Jacob would probably insist if it was the most troublesome thing to trouble him in a history of troublesome things.

"It's just...lonely" she tells him, the words slurring slightly, and she'll cringe when she remembers telling him this, she knows, but it's true, sometimes. "It's lonely here, when everyone's gone. It's not like home."

Jacob's still for a moment, and then both his arms come around her, and one strokes her back slowly. For once, he says nothing at all.

Jess doesn't either. Instead, she just lets her head rest on Jacob's chest, the TV screen a hazy blur through her eyelashes as she lets them close, her head under Jacob's chin, one arm around her back, the other hand stroking her hair soothingly, and she thinks she presses a small half-kiss to his skin through his shirt as she dozes off.

 

* * *

 

When Jess next opens her eyes, the room is dark, and her neck is slightly stiff and as she winces, searching for purchase with her elbows, she manages to glance around the room and notice the low glare of the TV, playing silently to itself.

She then manages to pull herself round, both elbows on the couch either side of Jacob's chest so that she's almost on all fours, and then realises that Jacob's chest is there. And that Jacob's there.

Jess nearly loses her balance before she remembers that a) they're both dressed, and b) it's _Jacob._ It takes her another moment to realise that Jacob's actually asleep, one hand still half-caught in her hair, and his glasses ever-so-slightly crooked.

Jess, pushing herself upright, manages to prop herself up on the couch and stare at him for a moment. She's never seen Jacob Rees-Mogg asleep before. His lips are parted, his glasses having slid a little loose, and Jess feels an odd tenderness in her chest as she stares at him. She's never seen Jacob looking less than composed before, and it's oddly fascinating. He's curled on his side, one arm across his chest where his hand had been in her hair, his mouth very slightly twitching, as though he can't stop thinking even in his sleep.

Jess studies him for a moment. She's not stupid. She knows that if they'd been at uni together, if she'd met him during her younger days and they'd both been single, she might have tried to coax Jacob into bed with her at least once, even just for the sheer _closeness_ of it, of getting to know every part of him. But somehow, the way things are now feels even more precious, rarer. Jess wonders idly if there's some equivalent of having sex for people who are just your friends, some act that's the same physical sharing, the same way of letting them know how much they mean to you, of being inside each other, knowing you couldn't get closer. She's wondered it a couple of times with her oldest friends, the ones who've grown up with her, but lately she's thought it more and more often about Jacob too. He's so diametrically opposite her that it's as though she's been waiting for him to walk in and sit down next to her forever.

But now, she eases herself off the couch and heads into the bedroom on wobbly legs, where she manages to wrestle herself into some pyjamas, leave her earrings on the dressing table. She fishes a blanket out of the cupboard, intending to drape it over Jacob, and then looks at her own bed, standing there accusingly with its' cool sheets. It always seems a little rigid when she first walks in here alone at night-especially after she's insisted to Jacob seventy times at the front door that she'll be absolutely fine and that he doesn't have to walk her home if it puts him out of his way.

"No, I'm delighted to do so" he always says, very firmly, his natural chivalry pursing his lips a little, and Jess has always had to laugh slightly and resist the urge to tell him that she'd be far more terrified for him walking alone through the London streets than herself.

Now, crossing back to the couch, she stands still, looking at Jacob for a moment. He really is sleeping in a suit, she manages to think, and then she sighs and drapes the duvet from her bed across the couch, before she reaches for his glasses and slides them slowly off Jacob's nose, places them carefully on the coffee table. She reaches under the blanket, slides off his shoes, reflecting that this is the closest she'll probably ever come to seeing Jacob minus his usual garb, and then tucks the duvet over him, Jacob turning over slightly as she does so.

Jess looks at him for another moment, then climbs onto the other end of the couch. She's about to turn herself round, so they can sleep top to tail, like Harry and Danny do on camping trips, when she pauses and then lowers herself down to the position she was in before, resting her head on Jacob's chest. She reaches up and loosens his tie a little, lets it hang loose around his neck, before she closes her eyes, head aching slightly, ready to drift into sleep.

There's a soft murmur of something, one of Jacob's hands moving to her back. Jess raises her head, peers at him. "Jacob?"

 _Samper vigilans_ , is what it sounds like before Jacob's eyes flicker closed again and he slips back into sleep, hand circling Jess's back soothingly.

Jess shakes her head and lets her head fall back against Jacob's chest, her own breathing matching the slow rise and fall of his own. She should have guessed, she thinks, as she drifts into sleep in the warm darkness of the room, dimly lit by the glow of the TV, her fingers wrapping around Jacob's like an afterthought, like something that was always meant to follow.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the gif that Jess is referring to, of Jacob on the Commons benches:  
> http://fornootherreasondave.tumblr.com/post/74477378840  
> Jacob did meet his wife Helena when she was born and he was a young child. He also famously loves chocolate crème eggs:  
> https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/jacob-rees-mogg-posh-totty-d8g30s3vl  
> Helena, in contrast to Jacob, was a gothic wild-child and has a tongue stud-Jacob's classmates at Eton used to bribe him to swear:  
> https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/rees-mogg-first-family-of-fogeys-420663.html  
> https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2295489/Jacob-Rees-Mogg-JANE-FRYER-meets-poshest-man-politics.html  
> https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3455622/Meet-exquisitely-eccentric-fogey-giving-Dave-barrels-Jacob-Rees-Mogg-proves-s-not-just-backbench-Bertie-Wooster.html  
> Interviews with Jacob as a child and teenager:  
> https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-43922740/the-voice-of-the-12-year-old-jacob-rees-mogg  
> https://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/jacob-reesmogg-threatened-to-sue-the-bbc-as-a-12yearold-schoolboy-financier-for-not-paying-him-for-a3825106.html  
> https://www.tatler.com/article/jacob-rees-mogg-interview  
> Jess did try to dissuade Jacob from approaching protesters outside an event they were doing together and defended him after he was attacked by other protesters at an event:  
> https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/politics-and-friendship-are-a-toxicmixture-qr09swn7x  
> https://www.politicshome.com/news/uk/house/house-magazine/89942/commons-diary-jess-phillips  
> https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/5495035/masked-rees-mogg-protesters-harmed-their-cause-and-changed-no-ones-minds/  
> Jess has mentioned Jacob holding open doors for her and did jokingly tell him she'd divorce him for never having changed a nappy: https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/jess-phillips-labour-under-corbyn-feels-like-i-ve-been-locked-out-of-my-home-laura-pidcock-amber-rudd-maria-miller-stella-creasey-jacob-rees-mogg-gs5xp8mh7  
> https://life.spectator.co.uk/2015/12/lunch-with-jess-phillips-mp-is-like-bunking-off-with-the-naughty-schoolgirl-she-once-was/  
> https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/mar/06/jess-phillips-someone-to-believe-in  
> https://www.stylist.co.uk/visible-women/jess-phillips-prefers-jacob-rees-mogg-to-boris-johnson-stylist-women-of-the-house-political-tv-show/231506  
> https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/aug/27/my-gran-was-a-raving-tory-and-a-lovely-woman  
> https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/jacob-rees-mogg-interview-boys-boys-let-me-sort-brexit-first-then-we-can-play-cricket-987n9bbsd  
> Jacob did want 12 children-his wife confirmed that she told him they were stopping at six:  
> https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/827681/Rees-Mogg-family-Tory-MP-child-names  
> https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-6229403/Mrs-Rees-Mogg-says-Jacob-wont-children-MP-husband-wants-more.html  
> Their sixth baby was reportedly a "surprise":  
> https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4866922/Jacob-Rees-Mogg-refuses-abortion-views.html  
> Jess's husband used to send her David Cameron birthday cards-they have the same birthday:  
> https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/london-life/ed-miliband-from-leader-of-the-opposition-to-cohost-of-a-viral-podcast-a3653806.html  
> David's infamous Twitter statement:  
> https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2245887/David-Cameron-reveals-joining-Twitter-meant-getting-used-abuse-trolls.html  
> David did apparently try to stop Jacob becoming an MP:  
> https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/5572248/david-cameron-stop-jacob-rees-mogg-becoming-an-mp/  
> Jacob did say Titanic was the most boring film he ever watched:  
> https://thetab.com/uk/leeds/2017/02/20/jacob-rees-mogg-reacting-memes-may-purest-thing-ever-30071  
> He also uses the phrase "far from gruntled": https://www.lbc.co.uk/radio/special-shows/ring-rees-mogg/jacob-rees-mogg-police-stop-and-search/


End file.
